Touch and the Spirit of Scratching an Itch

Have you ever been touched by someone against your will? Has someone's touch ever made you uncomfortable or felt distinctly unpleasant?

I'm not talking about instances of sexual abuse or harassment, or being manhandled by someone with the intent to do harm. I'm talking about ordinary, everyday situations with essentially well-meaning people. For example, perhaps as a child you had someone in your life -- we'll call her great Aunt Griselda -- who insisted on smothering you in bear hugs whenever she visited, even though you --- allergic to Auntie's perfume and unable to breathe while in her embrace -- tried your best to avoid her. You did not want to offend her -- she was mother’s favorite aunt and all in all a very nice lady -- but you really wanted to stay out of hugging distance because she was oblivious to your discomfort. Or maybe you've been to a fancy hair salon where you get a shampoo-with-shiatsu-massage before your haircut. This is pure bliss when the shampooer/masseuse is sensitive, perceptive, and tuned into you... and a tension-inducing, uncomfortable ordeal when she is not.

It’s the same thing with scratching an itch for a horse. When we are sensitive, perceptive, and tuned in we help Horse experience "scratch ecstasy" -- shown by an upper lip pursed and stretched forward just as far as it can go, the craned neck, the body leaning into our touch. If we are insensitive, oblivious, or mechanical in our approach or in our actions... we create tension and unpleasantness.

Sensitivity and awareness need to come into play before we ever lay fingers on the horse's body. Why are we choosing to do this? How do we approach Horse to make the offer of a scratch? How does he feel about our being close to him, about us touching him?

It seems to me that best reason for offering Horse a scratch is to bring him relief, comfort, and pleasure in our company. It's a simple act of kindness, done out of genuine affection. The side effects of this are that it helps improve communication between us and brings us closer to one another. That’s great, and much to be desired. But I need to beware, to be aware of what is going on with me, so that I do not start unconsciously using this pleasurable activity as a "technique" to somehow manipulate horse. Turning what should be an act of kindness and an intimate act of affection into a “tool” or “trick” for better horse “training” is a perversion to be avoided at all costs. So, in my eagerness to form a friendship with Horse, to have him like me, I need to be continually aware not only of what I'm doing, but why I'm doing it.

In all my interactions with horses it is helpful to continually ask myself -- as Imke Spilker recommends - "why do I do what I do." In the proper spirit of scratching an itch the best answer is probably something like: " I'm doing this because I like Horse and want to do something nice for him that shows him how much I like him." If that's not my honest answer, then it might be better to do something else.

It should go without saying that we would never force a horse to submit to having us scratch his itches by holding him or tying him up or otherwise restraining him. And yet, far stranger things have happened in the relationship between human and horse. Countless horses every day are forced to submit to what should be pleasurable activities -- being groomed, being massaged, being bathed. How must it feel to be given a massage against your will? Can you imagine anything beneficial resulting from that?

There's a damaging attitude or underlying belief (often unconscious) that has to be chucked if we are to stay in the proper spirit of scratching an itch -- namely, the belief that says I have the absolute right, or “should” be able, to touch Horse whenever, wherever, however I please. That attitude is a hangover from countless centuries of treating Horse as property, as an unfeeling piece of "livestock," and it is completely incongruent in a relationship of courteous acquaintance, let alone a genuine friendship. Just as with another human being -- I touch Horse only with permission. I enter his personal space only with his permission.

It is easiest to “understand” horses when they have plenty of room to move. When a horse is in an open space and he knows he is free to walk (or run) away from me whenever he pleases, it is usually pretty clear when he is saying “yes” and when he is saying “no”. But, in close quarters, a box stall, for example, it is not always so easy for a horse to freely express himself. Such situations require me to be especially attuned. I must be extra alert for any little sign that Horse is not welcoming my approach -- a slight tensing of his body, or perhaps only of his lips, or chin, or jaw, or ears; a slight turn of his head away from me, ignoring me, etc. I must be careful, too, to avoid blocking him with my body -- cornering him.

Certainly I do not want to play the role of Aunt Griselda to the horses in my life, nor do I want to be the oblivious masseuse. So, the offer to scratch an itch, must always be just that -- an offer which Horse is free to accept or refuse. And, when I’m actually touching Horse, I owe it to him to stay as aware, as open, and as receptive as I am able, to ensure that I am indeed giving pleasure rather than causing distress. "Where do you need me to scratch?" "Is this hard enough?" " Too hard?" "How does this feel?" Those are the sorts of questions that should be running through my mind as I try to sense what Horse is feeling as I touch him.

How does it feel to do something for a horse without wanting anything in return?