Not Always All True

One of the J.D. Salinger quotes in my last blog entry (April 23rd )was: “People always think something’s all true.”

It is not only “negative” or forceful things (like running a horse around a round pen or increasing punishment “phases”) that we are prone to assume are “all true” and implement even when the evidence before us (the horse) or within us (our "gut feeling") tells us otherwise. Sometimes, even the most wonderful practices, practices intended to bring us closer to Horse, to bring us into connection, can have the exactly the opposite effect if we zone out and leave “here and now” to mechanically follow instructions.

My most recent lesson in this (I’ve had many, but I seem to be a slow learner) was taught to me by Khe-Ra, a 3 year old Arabian filly who came into my life just a little over a year ago.

First, some background: Carolyn Resnick, a horse trainer based in California, teaches a series of horse-human interactions called “The Seven Waterhole Rituals of Wild Horses.” These Rituals are meant to be practiced at liberty, in an area large enough so that the horse can escape the human’s influence; the horse must be free to choose whether or not to participate. The First Ritual is called “Sharing Territory.” Basically, it is spending time with Horse in his world, just being together, sharing the same space without an agenda, without the human initiating interaction with the horse.

Carolyn’s instructions are to bring a book to read or a journal in which to write, in order to keep our minds occupied as we sit with Horse. If Horse comes over and is pushy about getting our attention -- grabbing the book and yanking it out of our hands, for example -- the instructions tell us to send him out of our space. If Horse is a shy, timid, submissive type and approaches us in that manner, we move to another spot.

Hanging out with Horse in First Ritual is incredibly powerful. I’m not doing it justice with the overview I gave here. It is a very simple practice that works wonders in helping to bring a horse and human closer to one another.

(Anyone wishing to learn more about the Waterhole Rituals can read Carolyn’s book “Naked Liberty” or visit her blog( http://www.carolynresnickblog.com/). There is also my article on First Ritual for the July/August, 2006 issue of Natural Horse Magazine, Volume 8 Issue 4 -- “Sharing Territory in Companionship: The First Ritual of Carolyn Resnick’s 7 Waterhole Rituals of Wild Horses”.)

Back to my lesson from Khe-Ra....

For nearly five years I have practiced First Ritual almost daily. I love this practice. It has brought me so many beautiful moments of intense connection with the horses. It has helped me become a better listener and it has deepened and strengthened our relationship with one another.

In the many times I shared space with Khemo, Kochet, and/or Desna, I’ve never had to move myself or gently shoo a horse away for being “pushy” more than one time. As soon as I gently made it clear that I didn’t want my book chewed or my journal snatched out of my hands just then, whoever-it-was would stand peacefully near me, or go away to do his own thing, or we would spontaneously do something together.

Right from the start Khe-Ra was different than the other horses with whom I’ve done First Ritual. No sooner would I sit down, prepared to spend some quality hanging-out time than she would march up to me, try to take my journal or book, scrape my head with her teeth, nuzzle my pockets....anything to get my attention off the book or journal and on to her. It usually did not matter at all if there was good grass, or a lovely ripe pear within reach on the lower limbs of the old tree near our work area. Khe-Ra would be right by me, “in my face”, wanting me to lovingly embrace *her* with my mindfulness, instead of my book. I would gently shoo her away and off she would go, only to return after a few minutes, sometimes after a few seconds, and begin the grabbing, scraping, and nuzzling all over again. During one session I gently shooed Khe-Ra away at least a dozen times. Finally, she decided she had had enough and walked away “for good.” I sat for another half hour and she did not come back. It was all or nothing with her -- no middle ground of grazing near me in peaceful companionship.

On the day I got my lesson that even the best things are not always “all true” I let Khe-Ra out of the paddock to graze in the unfenced area around the barn while I sat down on my bench under an ash tree where my cat friend, I.C., and a book were waiting for me. I started to read. Before long, there was Khe-Ra, chasing I.C. away, nuzzling me, trying to rub her itchy lower jaw on my head, grabbing my book... She grudgingly, but obediently moved off when I shooed her away but was back again in a few moments. After a few repetitions of me shooing her away and her returning, a thought came clearly, “loudly,” and fully formed into my mind:

“What’s the point of hanging out together if we’re just going to pretend to ignore each other?”

The question seemed to come from Khe-Ra... a puzzled, somewhat frustrated Khe-Ra. In that instant of hearing that question, the “rules” of First Ritual seemed oppressive and artificial to me -- not at all in alignment with what I was feeling in the moment. After all, I *do* come out to spend time with the horses, to be closer to them... not to ignore them or pretend to ignore them while we share territory. I want them to initiate communication with me, to let me know what they need and want.

In the process of trying to follow some rules, I had become disconnected from my feelings. In labeling Khe-Ra’s efforts to get my attention as “dominant”, “aggressive”, “pushy” according to an external standard, I had become disconnected from her. In shooing her away every time she tried to get me to interact with her, I had been acting from that external standard, responding according to a formula, rather than from my own feelings in the moment. Labeling certain actions as “dominant” or “aggressive” or “wrong”, and thinking that there is a certain one-size-fits-all set of actions to deal with such behaviors is a Very Bad Habit.

It is a habit that makes me lose touch with reality, the reality of what is happening right here, right now, with me, and with Horse. I did not shoo Khe-Ra away because of a genuine emotion I felt -- that would have made some sense. I shooed Khe-Ra away because I thought I should do xyz when a horse does abc. That’s crazy -- unless what I want is a surefire recipe for misunderstanding, separation, and alienation.

That day my Very Bad Habit almost trapped me into closing myself off to Khe-Ra. Almost. But First Ritual had worked its magic -- at least part of me was in listening mode and open to the horse with whom I was sharing space. And that horse was very persistent about trying to get her point across, thank goodness.

Regardless of what the rules said, what FELT authentic and true and right in the moment with this particular young horse, with Khe-Ra, was to engage with her. So... finally .... that’s what I did.

What followed was a wonderful walk together at liberty... my idea of pure bliss.